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[izuku didn't mind waiting, gently kneading his palm, pricks of anxiety causing his fingers to tingle. his gaze moving from katsuki's hands to his face, lingering on the way his brow would furrow in concentration. he was thankful for the low light of his phone, it was easy on his eyes.]
I've looked worse.
[when he had left. pushing himself beyond his limits, shirking some of the ideals he had worked so hard to emulate. saving people with a smile, being together with his friends and saving the world together. like real superheroes would. the weight that sat upon his shoulders were great, and even now they sagged with the responsibility. it... was so much. all the time.
it had been so hectic lately that he realized, while he may have thanked uraraka for her help... he never gave kacchan the same courtesy. never gave him forgiveness for his apology.
he couldn't remember the last time katsuki called him by his name.
maybe it's because he didn't think there was anything to forgive, he had made peace with how he felt for kacchan a year ago. sharing his secret and working together... it was more than anything he could have wanted.]
All I remember... were people pushing more drinks into my hands. A few faces I recognized.
[the ones who protested his return the most.
...that still hurt. he had given everything to protect the people residing in this building. he would have given more if he could spare it. the angry yelling, the accusations. he was a threat, being here... even now there was the consistent worry in his gut and it made him shudder.
so he was thankful when he palms the cup of tea.
it was a faint smile he offers the other teen, but all too easy it faded. it was getting harder to smile these days.]
...Thanks.
[he doesn't move to straighten himself, as katsuki was a source of comfort. not just the warmth he provided when he felt so cold, but... just being there. so he does as instructed, bringing the tea closer as he closed his weary eyes, taking in a deep breath of the steam.]
[izuku didn't mind waiting, gently kneading his palm, pricks of anxiety causing his fingers to tingle. his gaze moving from katsuki's hands to his face, lingering on the way his brow would furrow in concentration. he was thankful for the low light of his phone, it was easy on his eyes.]
I've looked worse.
[when he had left. pushing himself beyond his limits, shirking some of the ideals he had worked so hard to emulate. saving people with a smile, being together with his friends and saving the world together. like real superheroes would. the weight that sat upon his shoulders were great, and even now they sagged with the responsibility. it... was so much. all the time.
it had been so hectic lately that he realized, while he may have thanked uraraka for her help... he never gave kacchan the same courtesy. never gave him forgiveness for his apology.
he couldn't remember the last time katsuki called him by his name.
maybe it's because he didn't think there was anything to forgive, he had made peace with how he felt for kacchan a year ago. sharing his secret and working together... it was more than anything he could have wanted.]
All I remember... were people pushing more drinks into my hands. A few faces I recognized.
[the ones who protested his return the most.
...that still hurt. he had given everything to protect the people residing in this building. he would have given more if he could spare it. the angry yelling, the accusations. he was a threat, being here... even now there was the consistent worry in his gut and it made him shudder.
so he was thankful when he palms the cup of tea.
it was a faint smile he offers the other teen, but all too easy it faded. it was getting harder to smile these days.]
...Thanks.
[he doesn't move to straighten himself, as katsuki was a source of comfort. not just the warmth he provided when he felt so cold, but... just being there. so he does as instructed, bringing the tea closer as he closed his weary eyes, taking in a deep breath of the steam.]
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they all forgave him.
dipping his toes into darkness had skewed his focus, if even a little, but there was no fixing that. he had pushed himself to his absolute limits, running on fumes and his own self-importance. it had left him so empty that he thought he would never feel the same warmth from those he loved ever again. while he tried not to wallow too much in his mistakes, this one nearly cost him the people he loved the most.
letting out a slow and even breath, breathing in the boy he was leaning into. he had never thought there would come a day where he would willingly push kacchan away.
it made his heart wrench.]
the combo tear power of me and my mom! just drop us into the villain's base and we could drown them out
easy
[a faint smile lingering, knowing it was stupid. but sometimes he needed the opportunity to be a stupid teenager. it felt like the last few months have aged him rapidly. so when he closes his eyes this time, he nearly doesn't open them. he had felt so soothed and warm in this moment, the muscles in his body relaxing as the quiet and sound of kacchan's voice filled him with this much needed calm.
yet he cracks an eye open, the other following suit as he focuses on typing.]
my throat feels a lot better, and i don't feel nauseous anymore.
you're a real life-saver, kacchan
i really needed this
[his fingers hovering over the digital keyboard, something causing him to hesitate. the virtual keys tapping, then he's erase what he wanted to say. chewing on his bottom lip as he considered what he wanted to ask, and how selfish it was. had he earned the right to be selfish? to ask for something he needed? there was a gnawing in his gut, a cold drop of fear pooling deep in his stomach.
it was stupid.
this was stupid.]
...Katsuki.
[his tone rough around the edges, yet it did sound better than it had. before the other boy could fix him with a Look for talking, he shies his gaze away, staring at his fingers and the words they refused to write. he flexed him then, feeling the scar tissue stretch to accommodate the movement.
izuku felt something inside him urge him forward, a touch of confidence before dissipating in the back of his mind.]
Spend the night?
[the request came on a whisper, as not to agitate his throat and because he wasn't sure if it was okay of him to ask. he felt like he took too much of kacchan's time already, they both needed their rest. but he didn't want to be alone in the darkness of his room. alone to think and ponder, no matter how exhausted he might be. he could feel the pills working, but knew his dreams would be turbulent.
so far, with katsuki beside him, he had felt this calm in him that he hadn't enjoyed in awhile.
...
besides, he missed him. no bolstering of his waning courage will get him to say it, however. but that didn't make it any less true.]
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questions izuku's gonna have to ask himself, questions that katsuki had already wondered about himself. but those self doubts he pushed away, because he didn't have resources to waste on something like fucking doubt. funny thing is, izuku's actions never ran the risk of losing the people he loved most. they had no intention of letting him go. the one way he could've lost them is if he'd died. and they weren't willing to let that happen either. they were his class, his friends, and he was stuck with them forever.
each rhythm of izuku's breath presses against his back and ghosts across his shoulder and cheek, timing themselves with the blonde's in unconscious synchrony. reminiscent of those times long ago when they napped together as children. katsuki had always wanted izuku to leave him along during middle school, but the one time izuku willingly ran from him, he came after him with every intent to catch him and keep him there. not just for his sake, but for his own. for theirs.]
As if you'd fucking cry in the face of a villain.
[katsuki clicks the burner off, lingering in the steam drifting from the teapot. guess they all needed this break. a chance to rest and put everything away for a little while. they've all grown up so much over the year. katsuki often bragged about how he was going to operate at a pro level while he was at u.a., but god damn did he not understand entirely what his foolish self had said all those months ago. he's experienced villains, battles, humiliations, exhaustion, more effort and work than he realized. no longer being at the top because everyone else was beneath him, but because the work he put in that effortlessly shot him to the pinnacle of his small pond back home was now only breaking even with many people. all of that rests on his shoulders now as he takes the time to rest beside his friend.]
Stop getting in trouble that I need to come save your stupid ass, idiot.
[but they both know he'd save him every single time. gripe about it, yell at him, maybe blast him or beat him on the head, but always there to catch him. with the tea finished and izuku feeling better, there wasn't much more reason for him to stay here. maybe to make sure the other boy got in bed and went the fuck to sleep, but he didn't need to stay around for the latter part. he had his own things to do, his own sleep to get, and-]
Hm?
[it's still rare for izuku to use his real name. katsuki shuts the small tray on the side of the burner, leaving izuku the time to collect his thoughts. something's weighing on his mind and yelling at him to spit it the fuck out will just make him clam up or yell back. not something he needs to be doing with his throat as raw as it is. katsuki rests his hand on the floor, drumming fingers silently against the rug. didn't mean he couldn't start to prickle impatience waiting.]
Haa?
[katsuki looks over his shoulder, one eye larger than the other beneath an arched brow in an incredulous expression. did he seriously just ask him that?! what the fuck are they, five again?! they don't need to be sleeping in the same damn room! it's not like izuku needed him here to sleep better. or that katsuki had already thought about lingering to make sure he got to sleep. or that he felt better being beside his childhood friend right now... his expression softens as he slowly turns his head back to face forward. it'd been a long time since they'd share a bed together. how many nights had izuku slept alone out there for that month? without the presence of his family or his friends around him... people he'd become used to being so close by.
katsuki sighs before rolling his shoulders and then straightening up, pushing izuku back in a slight nudge to get him ready to rise.]
Fine. Lemme go get my shit and I'll be back.
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but they would share a meal, izuku nodding off here and there. when the number two hero shared the seat... the young hero would gently relay the situation with a healing voice. hawks never held anything back, and deku appreciated that. he would offer a broken wing, the soft downy of the remaining feathers brushing his cheek and lulling him to sleep. he would nap better with hawks. but neither of the pros had him fall into such a deep slumber than endeavor. probably because the man was large and imposing, heat rolling from him in waves. on the cold, rainy nights it had been enough.
beds were often a luxury, anything more than a handful of hours at a time would make izuku feel impossibly guilty. as if every moment his eyes would close meant another moment someone would be lost and it would be his fault. soon it would only be him and all might, until he pushed him too away.
he had never felt so stupid in his life.
he had to wonder if it was really worth it, the stress he had caused the pros and his close friends. that guilt slumping his shoulders and making his body feel so heavy.
brought out of those thoughts again by kacchan, though he didn't meet his gaze after issuing his selfish little question. he had been anticipating a rejection, the line of his shoulder tense and painful. but the rejection never came, getting nudged back and settling against the wall as he glanced to the other boy in genuine wonder. it made something familiar and giddy flutter deep in his stomach. something he had pushed down for years, when he knew what that feeling meant. izuku wouldn't be hopeful about it, he just wanted the company.
as infrequent his sleep schedule was when away, he had cherished the moments in that backseat, with one of his mentors sharing it with him. offering what comfort they could in their own ways. maybe it helped them feel less guilty, maybe they genuinely cared about him too. the way best jeanist would brush his bangs back and urge him to sleep, the concern in both hawks and endeavor's eyes before he would run off into uncertain dangers. he had callously pushed it all away.
he needed to apologize to them too.
for now he gives an absent nod, breathing out his tension.]
The... door will be open.
[he offers, flicking his gaze back to katsuki before he slowly got to his own feet. he felt weak and shaky, but he looked a hell of a lot better. just tired. absently he tugged at his shirt, he'll change into something fresh when bakugou goes to get his own. he had been careful not to spill his sick on himself, but he did sweat through it. a wipe down with a cloth can hold him until his morning shower, a fresh shirt and boxers should work for tonight.
the bed might not be big, but it would be enough.
an embarrassed hand lifts, rubbing at his nape as he glanced away. he wanted to thank him again, for accepting the invite. but he didn't want to push his luck.]
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his empty room got more than a few visitors over that week. uraraka standing within it quietly talking to him, sometimes crying. iida vowing over his bed to bring him back. yaoyorozu apologizing to his desk for not seeing the signs. and bakugou... he'd stood in the doorway one night, eyes meeting all of those smiling faces plastered on the walls and grinning at him from the desk and shelves. all might was out there too... bu what would he do in this case? of course he'd go, of course he'd win, but... would he break the law if it meant doing so to achieve that victory? he couldn't just sit there and do nothing!
so they finally made their decision and pushed the issue. they left to do what they should've done the very first night. to rescue their friend from the burden he carried and the stupidity he was drowning himself in for the sake of everyone else. no one could do this alone. all might, yes. but deku... deku was not all might. he wanted to be better than all might, surpass him. and to do that, he couldn't be alone. that was all might's way. it wasn't deku's. it wasn't theirs.
this was their way forward to a better future. as heroes.
katsuki collects what he needs from his room, lingering beside his own bed for a few minutes. it wasn't a selfish request. how often did izuku spend the night with one of the pros sitting beside him? seriously, the guy slept in hospital beds with people near him for plenty of nights during the first half a year at u.a. but it was different with him. because of their past... how long has it been since he spent the night in izuku's bed? lying awake for a few minutes to protectively guard the other boy's sleep and promising him to beat up any nightmares that even tried to poke their scary faces through the door. nightmares of children weren't the same as those of adults, huh. katsuki turns and heads out of his room, closing the door behind him.
returning to izuku's room, he's got his toiletries bag looped over one elbow, his blanket and pillow over his shoulder. might not use them, but you know, comfort is comfort in the familiar. a black tank top and some black lounge pants, because when's he ever in anything different in casual sleepwear? katsuki shuts izuku's door behind him and sets the toiletries bag on his desk, then tosses his pillow and blanket over to the other boy's bed. he shucks his lounge pants afterwards, left in just his boxer briefs and top, folds them and puts them atop his bag. already brushed his teeth and everything. this was just for the morning or if he needed it.
then takes a seat on izuku's bed, looking at him. good thing he freshened up a bit or katsuki wouldn't demanded he go take a sponge bath. the tea and burner sit on the desk beside his bag, packed up and resting for the night. everything's as it should be... where it should be. the bed might not be big, but it's enough. easily. izuku's embarrassment is expected.]
Scoot over. I'll take the outside.
[keeping izuku between himself and the wall, safe from anything that might want to get him. they'd have to get through katsuki first.]
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but he didn't want to think about it anymore, he had been thinking about it too much. he didn't want to go mad, he didn't want to wallow and fall into a darkness that even iida couldn't reach. he had just been laying here, an arm across his forehead as he focused on the sound of his own breathing. the voices inside were blissfully quiet, staying true to their word to give him peace when he wasn't training or fighting.
it still felt weird to be privy to them. the ghosts that haunted him. would he hear them forever? would they stop when they dealt with all for one? they were quiet now too, when his mind went to them. but kacchan's footsteps brought him out of it, his arm moving to rest across his abdomen, tired eyes taking in the sight of the other teen, trying not to linger anywhere inappropriate.
though he does move to shield himself from the onslaught of pillow and blanket, a faint smile on his lips as he set kacchan's stuff next to him.
he scoots over wordlessly, waiting for katsuki to get in and comfortable before he settled himself proper. there was something warm and safe in the arrangement, not like he couldn't take care of himself, but izuku was learning that maybe it was okay to have others care for him too.]
...Thanks.
[there was more he could say, more he wanted to say. but he didn't have the heart to, exhaustion settling heavy in his bones. an encompassing 'thanks' will do for now.]
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true, he'd fallen. his path wasn't wrong, but it'd led him down a route that he never should've taken. they went after izuku and the caught him before he could slip any further. not to tell him he was horrible or even that he was wrong, but to simply remind him that he didn't have to do this alone. that he should trust them. and he had. even though they fought, he'd eventually realized it and accepted their help. it's all they wanted. it's... it's what katsuki wanted too.
because he knows izuku better than anyone else in this school, in the world. and he knows what happens when you give and give and give. eventually you run out. as he lies down beside him, katsuki settles in the bed, drawing the covers up over their bodies to rest around their chests. slowly warming up the sheets. he's back... he's home. amid the darkness, a quiet whisper of gratitude floats out on a very tired voice. of course there are things that could be said, want to be said... but not tonight.
katsuki turns over on his side and drapes his arm across izuku's chest, hand tucking beneath his ribs to hold him close and secure. as kids, he promised he wouldn't let anything get his best friend in the night. promised he'd be safe and have good dreams and they'd see each other in the morning light. it's the same promise here, resting across izuku's body as katsuki settles beside him.]
Go to sleep, Deku. I'm here.
[that's all. nothing else needs to be said. he's given that promise once more. katsuki closes his eyes and rests, refusing to go to sleep just yet as he guards the other hero's sleep. the symbol of peace, one of the greatest heroes the world will ever know, his childhood best friend, that's who he's protecting right now. watching over him until he knows izuku's fallen asleep and resting before katsuki allows himself to finally drift off.]
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reminisce of days when they were younger, from naps to falling asleep early. a comforting arm wrapped around him tight, shooing away villains and nightmares with the utmost confidence.
it had such a calming effect on izuku, shown in the way his breath already started to even out, eyelids heavy. so he shifts to his side, facing the other boy as he scooted in closer. his touch lingers on katsuki's arm for a moment more than it should, before he lets go so he could return the gesture, an arm across kacchan's waist and his face close to his neck.
through sleep he'd probably cling closer, drawn to kacchan's warmth. but this was the most relaxed he had felt since coming back home. he couldn't even utter a 'good night' as sleep took him almost immediately, lines of worry smoothing out across his features. the stiff line of his shoulders all but melting away.
he was here.
and deku was home.]