[izuku knew he would feel guilty about the way he treated those closest to him for a long time coming. every letter a little personalized, explaining his situation and why he had to leave. how he had assured it wasn't them; it was him. all of this... was on him. his shoulders had bent, the weight he bore so heavy he thought his back might snap. it had consumed him to the point he had even pushed all might away, and even though the man had forgiven him... izuku still felt like absolute shit.
they all forgave him.
dipping his toes into darkness had skewed his focus, if even a little, but there was no fixing that. he had pushed himself to his absolute limits, running on fumes and his own self-importance. it had left him so empty that he thought he would never feel the same warmth from those he loved ever again. while he tried not to wallow too much in his mistakes, this one nearly cost him the people he loved the most.
letting out a slow and even breath, breathing in the boy he was leaning into. he had never thought there would come a day where he would willingly push kacchan away.
it made his heart wrench.]
the combo tear power of me and my mom! just drop us into the villain's base and we could drown them out easy
[a faint smile lingering, knowing it was stupid. but sometimes he needed the opportunity to be a stupid teenager. it felt like the last few months have aged him rapidly. so when he closes his eyes this time, he nearly doesn't open them. he had felt so soothed and warm in this moment, the muscles in his body relaxing as the quiet and sound of kacchan's voice filled him with this much needed calm.
yet he cracks an eye open, the other following suit as he focuses on typing.]
my throat feels a lot better, and i don't feel nauseous anymore. you're a real life-saver, kacchan i really needed this
[his fingers hovering over the digital keyboard, something causing him to hesitate. the virtual keys tapping, then he's erase what he wanted to say. chewing on his bottom lip as he considered what he wanted to ask, and how selfish it was. had he earned the right to be selfish? to ask for something he needed? there was a gnawing in his gut, a cold drop of fear pooling deep in his stomach.
it was stupid.
this was stupid.]
...Katsuki.
[his tone rough around the edges, yet it did sound better than it had. before the other boy could fix him with a Look for talking, he shies his gaze away, staring at his fingers and the words they refused to write. he flexed him then, feeling the scar tissue stretch to accommodate the movement.
izuku felt something inside him urge him forward, a touch of confidence before dissipating in the back of his mind.]
Spend the night?
[the request came on a whisper, as not to agitate his throat and because he wasn't sure if it was okay of him to ask. he felt like he took too much of kacchan's time already, they both needed their rest. but he didn't want to be alone in the darkness of his room. alone to think and ponder, no matter how exhausted he might be. he could feel the pills working, but knew his dreams would be turbulent.
so far, with katsuki beside him, he had felt this calm in him that he hadn't enjoyed in awhile.
...
besides, he missed him. no bolstering of his waning courage will get him to say it, however. but that didn't make it any less true.]
no subject
they all forgave him.
dipping his toes into darkness had skewed his focus, if even a little, but there was no fixing that. he had pushed himself to his absolute limits, running on fumes and his own self-importance. it had left him so empty that he thought he would never feel the same warmth from those he loved ever again. while he tried not to wallow too much in his mistakes, this one nearly cost him the people he loved the most.
letting out a slow and even breath, breathing in the boy he was leaning into. he had never thought there would come a day where he would willingly push kacchan away.
it made his heart wrench.]
the combo tear power of me and my mom! just drop us into the villain's base and we could drown them out
easy
[a faint smile lingering, knowing it was stupid. but sometimes he needed the opportunity to be a stupid teenager. it felt like the last few months have aged him rapidly. so when he closes his eyes this time, he nearly doesn't open them. he had felt so soothed and warm in this moment, the muscles in his body relaxing as the quiet and sound of kacchan's voice filled him with this much needed calm.
yet he cracks an eye open, the other following suit as he focuses on typing.]
my throat feels a lot better, and i don't feel nauseous anymore.
you're a real life-saver, kacchan
i really needed this
[his fingers hovering over the digital keyboard, something causing him to hesitate. the virtual keys tapping, then he's erase what he wanted to say. chewing on his bottom lip as he considered what he wanted to ask, and how selfish it was. had he earned the right to be selfish? to ask for something he needed? there was a gnawing in his gut, a cold drop of fear pooling deep in his stomach.
it was stupid.
this was stupid.]
...Katsuki.
[his tone rough around the edges, yet it did sound better than it had. before the other boy could fix him with a Look for talking, he shies his gaze away, staring at his fingers and the words they refused to write. he flexed him then, feeling the scar tissue stretch to accommodate the movement.
izuku felt something inside him urge him forward, a touch of confidence before dissipating in the back of his mind.]
Spend the night?
[the request came on a whisper, as not to agitate his throat and because he wasn't sure if it was okay of him to ask. he felt like he took too much of kacchan's time already, they both needed their rest. but he didn't want to be alone in the darkness of his room. alone to think and ponder, no matter how exhausted he might be. he could feel the pills working, but knew his dreams would be turbulent.
so far, with katsuki beside him, he had felt this calm in him that he hadn't enjoyed in awhile.
...
besides, he missed him. no bolstering of his waning courage will get him to say it, however. but that didn't make it any less true.]